Dear Mr. Unemployment,

It is with regret that I am to inform you of the end of our relationship. The last 15 weeks have been a rollercoaster of a ride for me; you have made me experience so many emotions, you very nearly made me ill. Despite the depression, you have been a complete and utter bore in my life, and I very much hope that we do not meet again.
And if you are wondering how I'm coping with our break up, I can tell you that I've met someone new; Mr. Retail. He is SO much better than you are or will ever be. I don't expect it to last long, because good things never do. But you can be sure of one thing, I will never come back to you, Mr. Unemployment.

That is all.